It Used to Be So Easy

 March 27, 2023

My how times have changed! I am looking over this "old" blog which I have not visited for many years. My heart is warmed by these daily stories I wrote, maybe for myself. I forgot about these lovely times.

Today, Sophie is 18, soon to be 19, and in her second semester of being away at college in New York. We moved to Washington State right before she started her Senior Year of high school, which was unbelievably difficult for her.

Vivian is left here, alone, without her sister, and is now a Junior in high school. She and I don't always get along. It seems that we, as parents, have rules and expectations, and she can not figure out how to meet these expectations.

It was very easy, in the old days, to type up cute anecdotes about the sweet things these little girls did. But it is not so easy to even think about, less live through, these teenage years. The reality is painful enough. Why would I want to subject myself to writing it down?

Yet I feel I must. As a record for any other parents out there, who could feel less alone. And as a record for the culprits themselves, who may one day look back and read these tales with horror and shame. 

Vivian and I had been left alone for two months while Dad worked a job in another country. This means I drive her 24 miles one way to school daily, at 7am, for 8am start. It also means that sometimes I can take sub jobs at various elementary schools near her school. It's very convenient. 

I literally have to drive her everywhere she needs to go. She recently got her license, but for reasons which may become apparent to the reader later, she will not be granted any of our vehicles to drive on her own. 

Her sister arrived home a couple Thursdays ago, for Spring Break. We were overjoyed to see her. However, Sister's Spring Break did not coincide with our own Spring Break, so we still had to take V to school daily. Still it was wonderful to see her. 

Joyfully, Dad then arrived home from his two-month stint the following Tuesday. That morning, on our way to take V to school, she put on some music that I did not care for. When I asked if we had to listen to that music, she got very snitty.

"Well, WHAT would YOU LIKE to LISTEN to, THEN?" she demanded, in a nasty tone.

I calmly explained that I'd like to listen to some new music, perhaps an album, like the new Sam Smith. 

"NOT SAM SMITH!" with an eye roll to wake sleeping gods.

"Well, then, I guess it will definitely be Sam Smith," I calmly replied.

She grabbed her phone, and while I drove, began madly texting. Of course it was about me. Then my phone went "Ding!"

She texted me: OMM that FUCKING BITCH.

Sophie remained silent in the back seat.

I remained silent. As the sounds of Sam Smith played, silent tears fell down my cheeks. I cried because I felt sorry for myself. I felt sorry that a child I loved so dearly would call me that. I felt sorry that I have a monster for a daughter. I felt sorry. Just sorry. I felt very sorry for myself that she exhibited this behavior while I was in the act of providing her transportation to her school. I felt sorry for the mother/daughter relationship I wished we had, but didn't.

She saw me crying and felt bad. "Mom? Please don't cry."

I didn't respond. 

After a few minutes, I told her she could leave her cell phone in the car. She wouldn't be needing it.

"But how will I text you about after school?"

She would have to figure it out. I could not let her keep the tool which she used to hurt me with, which I owned and which I paid for monthly. 

Tomorrow will be one week since we took her phone away. Her sister has returned to college in New York. Her dad has been home for almost one week. 

She needs the phone for many things. She needs updates about lacrosse practice on the TeamSnap app.

She needs to login to her Starbucks work app so she can see what shifts she is scheduled for.

She needs to text her friends at school to arrange rides to work/lacrosse practice.

Sunday, she had her work time wrong and showed up late. However, she slept on the couch all morning, and didn't bother to look at her phone at all to doublecheck the work schedule. She "thought" it was 3:45 but it was 3:15. She was late. 

Sadly, this is not the first time she has screwed up her work schedule. 

She has also burnt bridges with two of her friends. I mention this because one friend, Octavia, used to give her rides to work, and let her stay at her house until work time.

Another friend, Elle, is the sister of Sophie's boyfriend. But one day, V and her friends made fun of Elle's boyfriend, and Elle felt very hurt V didn't speak out against the boys making fun of Elle's boyfriend. Elle still feels betrayed by that and doesn't want much to do with V. V is mean to her "friends" and often claims they are "oversensitive". She used to be able to hang out at Elle's house, but not anymore. 

All this means that I don't know what she will do or how she will waste time until her work begins at 5:15pm tomorrow. Her school gets out at 2:30pm. 

I continue to hope she will outgrow her poor judgment and begin to be responsible and trustworthy. 

One more thing: she loves lacrosse and wishes to play on an elite team called Top Left. It costs $3400 to play on this team. They have tournaments on the East Coast over the summer in July. College coaches are there. 

This is a big investment for someone who acts like a jerk to her mother. 

She has agreed to pay the $500 deposit.